Thursday, September 29, 2011

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Your Personal Disguise Bible:Guide to Surviving the Society

The kind of things you do, not to be branded a social outcast:


You smile whenever and wherever possible,even though you hate that person.As soon as you understand that the person chattering in front of you is just some flesh bones and has an empty skull for head,you smile even more.DO NOT discuss and DO NOT try to explain.Sample this: the person talking to you uses sentences like,"I hate this country,it is so filthy"," municipality guys suck, they can't keep this place clean!" Relax, that person might not even be aware when the last Municipal elections were, worse yet which Municipality he belongs to.
Make people believe that to you 'chilling out' means idling out in a lounge, smoking up hookah and quaffing down mugs of beer and discussing which girl is going out with which girl or setting up the singles in your batch!
Sitting idle in your house,listening to some music, playing some blues on your guitar are so un-cool(oops,should have used multiple 'O's and dropped the 'S' for 'Z',still trying!)
When you visit a new place be sure to check out for the pubs and eat outs and other 'cool' places first.


Places of interest as defined by the Ministry of Tourism(read popular tourist destinations) etc totally suck (see, I am picking up!)
Start wearing tee shirts with prints of hard core death metal bands and say that you have been listening to them since the time you were a kid,even though you must have heard their just a week ago.


Say that you love Kurt Cobain and Bob Marley and buy posters or tee shirts of them smoking up.You need not know that they never quite endorsed marijuana,weed or even grass.If you could get one poster or anything in print of the Jim Fitzpatrick's version of the Guerrillero Heroico,sorry Che Guevara you are stylish(could you spot the twinkle in here?!).Forget the fact that you do not know if he was a communist or a marxist,worse yet which country he hailed from or what he stood for.
Start watching those obscure Korean and Japanese or even Hollywood movies, stock all of them on your portable hard disk and start writing and talking about them on public forums.
How much so ever you like and/or want to talk about,DO NEVER mention the name of any Indian movie,in any language,worse yet those in South Indian languages.
Buy and flaunt all the latest gadgets you see on any top tech website, else you are technologically illiterate and supremely uncouth!
Just a call-and-text mobile phone proves that you have just walked out of your jurassic aged cave!You are a dumb tramp if you think a tablet is a medicine,cell is biological,iPod is a vegetable and chips are edible.
Your gadget cool-ness index is directly dependent on the processing speed of your laptop or the storage space at your disposal or amount of data that you download or a million other things that would not make any sense to my granny.
Buy one DSLR and post photos of an ant crawling up a leaf,a random smiling kid on the streets,clouds in the sky,hawkers etc with some pathetic postprocessing(preferably some selective coloring etc. using Picasa).Club it all together in an album,call it something with a 'Random' in the name somewhere and post it on Facebook.Start your own photography fan page on facebook,call it something using the words: Photography, Clicks and/or Creations and ofcourse your name.
These should get you going on the path to becoming socially acceptable.Once you are there it is just plain cream.And if you go on to becoming some superstar in your own league do append your learnings onto this for the benefit of other not-so-socially-hit people.


Cheers,
The Yo Man!
The Author of this post is still an amateur and intends to inculcate more and more such popular and 'cool' techniques.For free seminars please mail in your details to kktech@gmail.com ,with "I am so Coool" in the subject line.
 

The Edge Of Reason| by KK